"Idiots! You're ruining my life!"

Apparently the State Department has issued another travel warning to the Philippines. They say that terrorist organizations are planning attacks in cities in Mindanao and in Metro Manila. While I don’t doubt this, I must question this travel advisory business. I mean, they’re terrorist organizations, right? When AREN’T they planning terrorist attacks? Isn’t that the whole point?

Perhaps I’m just tired of hearing terror warnings. It’s a bit like crying wolf. How many days did I cross the Key Bridge in DC and see that stupid sign on the side of the road telling me that Homeland Security, as predictable as a Hyper-color shirt on a hot day, had turned orange again? Effectively it told you to watch out for terrorists, as if while driving across the Key Bridge you might happen to notice a guy with an uzi in the backseat of his car and an Osama bin Laden air-freshener hanging from his rearview mirror. It is ridiculous to believe that looking at people with even more contempt and suspicion than we already do might allow us to stop those who don’t like us from blowing things up.

It’s not like I think we should stop paying attention to bags that tick and smell of gunpowder left on subway trains, but I suppose I’m just sick of being told to worry about it more. Paranoia it isn’t going to do a thing. Leaving Iraq alone might have been a good move, or maybe not refusing to prosecute soldiers suspected of involvement in the deaths of prisoners of war. Not circumventing international law at Guantanamo Bay might have also been a friendly gesture, as would not treating every Muslim or Arab we come across like they’ve got dynamite up the nose or something. But some mistakes have been made, haven’t they?

Of course, it’s not solely the trigger-happy Americans who are messing things up. I mean really, Al Qaida & Co., what in Allah’s name are you thinking? Like blowing things up ever did any good. Craziness is contagious. Just try to watch MXC with Kristin Lee. Go ahead, I dare you. But pad the walls first.

So am I supposed to be wary of the Philippines now because the State Department is telling me something might happen? (Insert expletive omitted so as not to offend my more genteel readers) no. I’m aware of all the chaos that could be, but I’m not going to let world politics dictate all the decisions I make. And comparatively, most of the Philippines is as safe as training wheels.

For instance, I’m already barred from going to Iraq anytime soon (according to Bush I’m not scheduled for a trip to Hell for at least another 37 years). Let’s not forget North Korea, a good part of Tibet, lots of places in Russia, huge parts of Africa, scattered places across Indonesia, Mindanao, Kashmir, Iran and Pakistan (anything that ends in –stan, really), Columbia (all those militant republics in South and Central America), Haiti, and of course for reasons that are still not clear to me, Cuba. Thanks, crazy people, for messing up all my plans. “Idiots! You’re ruining my life!”